Less than one month ago, my father passed away from complications of Alzheimer's Disease. He fought a long and arduous battle that lasted nearly 10 years, only to succumb to a bought of Pneumonia in his final days here on this earth. And, even though his death was imminent, the after-math was still quite shocking. From his cerebral passing, to the passage of his soul, I have learned that saying goodbye is never easy. Whether dying is a long, drawn out process or a sudden occurrence, I have found that learning to cope is key to moving forward. So, in an effort to try to understand and make sense of it all, I took action. I decided to speak at his funeral, and memorialize his life, rather than dwell on his death. I knew this would be a challenge as I was grief-stricken, fearful, and overwhelmed, but also determined. I made it my mission, not only for myself, but for my father, to carry the message of his life to others through my spoken word.
And so, I would like to introduce you to the man who was my first real love in life, as a little girl, my daddy...
"Back in 2008, I was fortunate enough to take a trip to Italy with my father. On our way there, we had a blast. We knew we had a long trip ahead of us, and in an effort to avoid jet-lag, we made a pact with one another to stay awake for the duration of the trip. Along the way, there were many unanticipated delays, and we stayed up for 48 hours straight! We kept each other awake for the entire trip, with our shared gift of gab, laughing, joking, and teasing one another...we had the best time together!!
On a layover in Germany, we had to switch planes to reach our final destination. And then, I saw what he called... "our airplane"....
Well, it looked like more of a toy to me, than something that could carry us over the Swiss alps.
I really thought he was kidding me at first, and he kept acting as if it wasn't our plane. But, it was...
It was this retro-looking, tiny thing, with a propeller on each side.
The airline was actually rejecting passengers bags because they were too heavy to fly with us!
I was a nervous wreck, and my dad knew that, as he held back his laughter.
His face read like a book...
He had this amazingly sweet smirk that he would use to keep from hysterically laughing, where he would purse his lips tight, with a smile in his eyes, that was soothing to the soul.
When we boarded the tiny aircraft, the teasing escalated.
He was in the row next to me,
and every so often he would tap me stoically and say, "Nicole...the propeller on my side has stopped"!
It was so funny, and he was relentless.
But, he was always so brave, full of courage, never afraid...
He had this amazing way of using his incredible wit to let me know that we were going to be okay, as he so often would, and it worked, as it always did.
I knew that we would be just fine.
There was a lesson in everything that he did, even in his humor.
That trip was ALSO a very pivotal one, as he had revealed his heart to me in a way that I had never expected, and it was absolutely beautiful!
Something inside him told him that he was ill, and one night, before going to bed, he asked me to come and sit with him in his room. He wanted to talk to me. With a tear in his eye, he asked me if I would make him ONE promise:
He said, "Nicole...promise me that you will always remember me, because I might not remember you, but it does not mean that I do not love you.
So, I did. I promised my father that I would ALWAYS remember him, and that he was unforgettable. He smiled, and thanked me for my words.
And this is why I stand before you all on this day. I am here to ask that you honor his memory by doing the same.
Please remember my father for the amazingly brilliant, remarkably sympathetic, funny man, father, husband, brother, uncle, cousin, friend, and glorious soul that he was, and will always be.
Please try to cherish and emulate, his great strength, wisdom, generosity, and honor. Know that he was a man of humility, respect, kindness, and dignity, who persevered with gentility, class, and an amazingly contagious smile.
Let us remember him as he wished to be remembered, and keep his legacy alive through our thoughts, words, actions and smiles, as he would not want us to cry.
For he will live in our hearts forever.
Daddy, I love you always, and I will never forget you, just as I had promised!
You are my hero and I hope that I have made you proud, and continue to do so until we meet again."
Delivering these words was a difficult task, but also very therapeutic in my own grieving process. In fact, this particular form of coping, for me, has been integral in beginning to heal and move forward. In loss, my pen is my sword that staves away fear, so I will continue to write about my journeys in hopes that I can provide solace for others who find themselves in a state of perpetual grief. I hope that others can find purpose in sadness, as I feel that I have. And this is why I am returning to my true calling, writing, just as my Father had hoped for me, and I have always wanted.
I have found purpose in my pain, and hope that others will as well. -Nicole
And so, I would like to introduce you to the man who was my first real love in life, as a little girl, my daddy...
"Back in 2008, I was fortunate enough to take a trip to Italy with my father. On our way there, we had a blast. We knew we had a long trip ahead of us, and in an effort to avoid jet-lag, we made a pact with one another to stay awake for the duration of the trip. Along the way, there were many unanticipated delays, and we stayed up for 48 hours straight! We kept each other awake for the entire trip, with our shared gift of gab, laughing, joking, and teasing one another...we had the best time together!!
On a layover in Germany, we had to switch planes to reach our final destination. And then, I saw what he called... "our airplane"....
Well, it looked like more of a toy to me, than something that could carry us over the Swiss alps.
I really thought he was kidding me at first, and he kept acting as if it wasn't our plane. But, it was...
It was this retro-looking, tiny thing, with a propeller on each side.
The airline was actually rejecting passengers bags because they were too heavy to fly with us!
I was a nervous wreck, and my dad knew that, as he held back his laughter.
His face read like a book...
He had this amazingly sweet smirk that he would use to keep from hysterically laughing, where he would purse his lips tight, with a smile in his eyes, that was soothing to the soul.
When we boarded the tiny aircraft, the teasing escalated.
He was in the row next to me,
and every so often he would tap me stoically and say, "Nicole...the propeller on my side has stopped"!
It was so funny, and he was relentless.
But, he was always so brave, full of courage, never afraid...
He had this amazing way of using his incredible wit to let me know that we were going to be okay, as he so often would, and it worked, as it always did.
I knew that we would be just fine.
There was a lesson in everything that he did, even in his humor.
That trip was ALSO a very pivotal one, as he had revealed his heart to me in a way that I had never expected, and it was absolutely beautiful!
Something inside him told him that he was ill, and one night, before going to bed, he asked me to come and sit with him in his room. He wanted to talk to me. With a tear in his eye, he asked me if I would make him ONE promise:
He said, "Nicole...promise me that you will always remember me, because I might not remember you, but it does not mean that I do not love you.
So, I did. I promised my father that I would ALWAYS remember him, and that he was unforgettable. He smiled, and thanked me for my words.
And this is why I stand before you all on this day. I am here to ask that you honor his memory by doing the same.
Please remember my father for the amazingly brilliant, remarkably sympathetic, funny man, father, husband, brother, uncle, cousin, friend, and glorious soul that he was, and will always be.
Please try to cherish and emulate, his great strength, wisdom, generosity, and honor. Know that he was a man of humility, respect, kindness, and dignity, who persevered with gentility, class, and an amazingly contagious smile.
Let us remember him as he wished to be remembered, and keep his legacy alive through our thoughts, words, actions and smiles, as he would not want us to cry.
For he will live in our hearts forever.
Daddy, I love you always, and I will never forget you, just as I had promised!
You are my hero and I hope that I have made you proud, and continue to do so until we meet again."
Delivering these words was a difficult task, but also very therapeutic in my own grieving process. In fact, this particular form of coping, for me, has been integral in beginning to heal and move forward. In loss, my pen is my sword that staves away fear, so I will continue to write about my journeys in hopes that I can provide solace for others who find themselves in a state of perpetual grief. I hope that others can find purpose in sadness, as I feel that I have. And this is why I am returning to my true calling, writing, just as my Father had hoped for me, and I have always wanted.
I have found purpose in my pain, and hope that others will as well. -Nicole
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